Jim Gordon: Lift the Awful Sadness

‘Trust in the Lord with all you heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path.’ Proverbs 3:5-6

I had been separated from my wife for about four months when my mother had her first stroke. The last time I had spoken to my wife was two weeks prior to this, and she told me she was sure she wanted us to divorce. Our six-year marriage had been unraveling for the past two years, and, though she had told me it was not entirely my fault, I still felt like a failure in the eyes of God.

At this same time, the company I was working for was selling off divisions. I went into work one morning and discovered that we had been sold, and within three weeks I was part of a lay-off of six hundred people. This was the only place I had worked since college, a period of almost twenty years. My mother passed away within the next two months.

I had experienced the death of my marriage, the passing of my mother, and the loss of my job within a span of about six months. I had no siblings or anyone my age I was close to, and I was consumed with bitterness and grief. I was still a young man in my early forties and wondered how I would recover from this series of events.

It was at this time that I put my trust fully in God. I prayed every day that He would help me through this and lift the awful sadness from me. Over the course of weeks and months, God helped me to regain my sense of purpose in life. A dear cousin became like a sister to me. I had recently come back to Calvary Church, and a fellow parishioner helped me find the job I have had for the last fifteen years. As I reflect back on this period of grief and healing, I am certain that God wants me to be happy, fulfilled and fully alive.