Trusting God is something I have not always understood. Between numerous battles with depression and the self doubt associated with it I have often had trouble trusting in anyone or anything. However in recent years I have been trying more than in the past to find my way in God. In this time I have found a peace that I believe has allowed me to find the love of my life and marry her. It has allowed me to grow closer to my oldest daughter and be prepared to welcome my youngest. In all this I had to learn to trust that God was guiding me both now and in the past and I am the stronger person I am now for the troubles I went through before.
As most of you all know my youngest daughter was born last March 15. What you may not know is that there were some serious difficulties. My wife developed a serious case of pre-eclampsia and as a result we were told that an emergency C-section was necessary. The C-section itself went fine for my wife. The medicine they used to stave off seizures in her caused the baby’s immune system to be depressed to where she struggled to breathe on her own at birth. As you can imagine this was a very scary, harrowing time.
I remember going outside once my wife was in recovery and the baby in the NICU. I remember just crying for a few minutes trying to understand what had just happened before calming down and calling the family to let them know what had happened. Through this I kept thinking of the blessing we had gone up for in church the week before, knowing that the birth was imminent. How God was watching over us and how I had to trust that he would guide everything to be fine.
Over the next 16 hours my wife got back to herself and the baby slowly came around slowly being weaned off of the oxygen and being able to breathe fine on her own. She was born around 11:00 PM on March 15, and she was finally wheeled into the room to her mother for the first time around 2:30 PM on March 16th. I was allowed to pass Erin to Renee and I remember feeling all the love of heaven pass through me as I handed her to her waiting mom. If ever there was a divine moment in my life this would be it. A couple days later my other daughter joined us in the hospital and I remember sitting back and watching the three of the together. I remember feeling a love in me I never thought was possible, a love I now feel every day, a love that could only be made possible by God.
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